


softly, they fall

by SilvCyanide



Series: Daffodils and Gladioluses [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, POV Second Person, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 08:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8789986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilvCyanide/pseuds/SilvCyanide
Summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient throws up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the flowers.

  A cough builds up in your chest, a ticklish sensation spreading through your throat and there's a weird kind of pressure, almost as if your lungs are clogged up with something. You turn away, hands cupping your mouth as you cough harshly into your hands. When you pull them away, a single, delicate, cream-coloured flower lies pristinely in your hands.





	

Oikawa Tooru looks rather pretty today, you can't help but think, with the morning sun highlighting his curly, brown hair and smiling cheerfully at the multitude of girls that surround him, even though you know that if he ever finds out about that thought, he will never stop crowing to you about how 'Iwa-chan thinks that The Great Oikawa is pretty.'

You look up to see Oikawa accept the box full of chocolates from a blushing girl, several more being shoved in his hands by the other girls that surround him until his hands and most of his torso has disappeared under the heap of boxes that he is struggling to keep a hold of.

That's right, today is Valentine's Day and you had a box of chocolates tucked away in your bag several days ago to try and confess your feelings with. What a silly thought that seems like right now, with these girls practically lining up just to give him homemade chocolate. Why would he ever want chocolates from his best friend, store-bought at that since you can't cook for your life.

A cough builds up in your chest, a ticklish sensation spreading through your throat and there's a weird kind of pressure, almost as if your lungs are clogged up with something. You turn away, hands cupping your mouth as you cough harshly into your hands. When you pull them away, a single, delicate, cream-coloured flower lies pristinely in your hands.

You look down at your phone and see that morning practice is about to begin, so you walk over to Oikawa, still chattering away and grab him by his upper arm, dragging him in the direction of the gym, your bag hitched on your right shoulder and flower in your other hand.

Letting go of his arm once the two of you are close enough to the gym, you walk ahead briskly with a barked, "Hurry up, Shittykawa."

You don't see Oikawa stop and stare at you for a long moment with an unreadable look in his eyes. Don't see him plaster a pout on his face as he whines about your rough treatment of him, even as he hurries to catch up to you.

When the two of you step into the gym, greeted by all of your juniors as well as a cheeky Hanamaki and Matsukawa, the flower and chocolates are already sitting crumpled together in the trash.

 

* * *

 

 

The date today is March 16th, one month after Valentine's Day and one month since you've coughed up that single yellow flower. You searched it up on the internet a few days ago and scoffed at its meaning, though a twinge of pain still makes itself known deep in your chest. Of all things, it had to be a daffodil.

Oikawa has just been called out to the hallway by a blushing girl, and even though you are in the classroom with Hanamaki and Matsukawa, your seat is close enough to the door that you can hear their conversation.

As expected, she's there to confess to him, stuttering out a stilted confession while thrusting a bento in his hands. You expect Oikawa to reject her gently, as he usually does to girls that confess to him, but unexpectedly he accepts it and the girl looks completely beside herself with happiness. You are confused and also hurt, even though Oikawa belongs no more to you than he does to any of the girls that confess to him - all except for this one.

Your heart aches at the sight of the two of them laughing and you feel something come up your throat. You quickly excuse yourself to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, who are now looking at you with concerned expressions as you bolt out the door, past Oikawa and his new girlfriend as he calls out to you with a questioning voice, all the way to the toilet at the end of the hallway where you throw up in one of the cubicles, chest heaving with the force of the coughs.

Three daffodils float on the water of the toilet bowl, beautiful for all that they represent. You wipe your mouth with a tissue, toss that in with the flowers and stretch out a hand to flush it all down the pipes.

There was no need for anybody to know about this, so you lie to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, citing something in your breakfast not sitting well with your stomach.

Oikawa doesn't seem convinced, staring at you with a dubious look in his eyes but ultimately drops the issue.

You are thankful for that. Although you know that growing up with Oikawa means you can tell when he's lying and vice versa, you don't feel very inclined to talk about this to him at the moment.

 

* * *

 

 

You go to the doctor today, after you wake up for the twentieth morning in a row with the urge to throw up, daffodils spilling from your lips.

Dr. Shinomiya is a severe-looking man with a graying beard and wrinkles that look like he had been frowning all his life. That is exactly what he does as he listens to you explaining why you were in his office on that fine, sunny day. The furrow between his brows grow deeper and he scribbles something down on a piece of paper before turning fully to face you.

"Iwaizumi-san," he says in a deep, serious voice, "Your condition has already progressed to stage two. If you are coughing up multiple flowers, it means that you only have a short window of time left to perform the surgery. Once you begin to cough up blood as well, it will be beyond surgical cure, as the flowers will have become too deeply rooted in your body. I recommend that you schedule an appointment immediately to remove the flowers, though I must warn you that you will no longer be able to have feelings for that person ever again."

You remain silent for a long while and the doctor stares at you patiently before you bow towards him and refuse the surgery, stating that you wished to try and solve it by yourself, and that if you were unable to, you would come see him again before the time runs out.

However, as you walk out of the clinic with a pack of pills in your hand, both you and Dr. Shinomiya know that you will not come back again.

 

* * *

 

 

The date is May 8th and you are over at Oikawa's house for the day. That morning, the thirteen flowers you coughed out into the toilet bowl are speckled with blood and you know that it is too late for any surgery. The pills have helped suppress it for some time but you know it is too late. Already you can feel a heaviness in your chest and a shortness of breath when you run. You know that if Oikawa does not reciprocate your feelings, you will die.

But it's okay.

It is a Sunday, so the two of you don't have school. Today Oikawa has demanded a movie marathon and although you may protest with all your might, he knows that you wouldn't say no to him, so he pops in a CD and the opening credits for Star Wars plays across the screen. Oikawa props his head on your lap and for once, you think that the flowers in your chest have stopped blooming.

Halfway through the movie, Oikawa pauses the movie abruptly and dashes off to the bathroom with a quick shout of ,"Be right back!"

You take this time to look around Oikawa's room, not that you haven't seen it before hundreds of times but Oikawa always has something new in his room each time you go over.

Expecting a new volleyball under the table or yet another keychain to add to his massive collection in one of his drawers, your eye is immediately caught by a large plastic bag sitting partially tucked under his bed, flashes of red, yellow and purple peeking through. Opening it, you see an entire pile of gladioluses, in all the different colours.

They are beautiful, with a lighter colour on the inside than outside and you wonder what this is doing here in the first place and not in a vase of water.

Oikawa comes back in then, face and hair wet with drops of water that make him look oddly pretty in the artificial lighting of his room. He looks as if he's about to say something but freezes with fear in his eyes when he sees the bag of gladioluses in your hands and you wonder why.

Eventually he brushes it off as just some flowers that a fan dumped on him as a confession that he forgot to throw away but you can tell he's hiding something.

Even as you settle down to watch the movie, not asking further seeing as Oikawa looks incredibly uncomfortable, you can't help but think that his face looks paler than usual.

 

* * *

 

 

Recently you've begun to lose weight at an alarming pace, and your face is ashen under your tan. There are dark circles under your eyes, adding to the gaunt look that you currently sport. Your family and your friends have been quite worried recently, asking you if you feel okay. You struggle to tell believable lies to your parents but your friends are a little easier to convince. All except for Oikawa, but it's always Oikawa.

There's only one week to your birthday and Oikawa has just called you to moan about the fact that he's broken up with his girlfriend. The reason this time he would not say, no matter how much you bug him about it. This time, their relationship amazingly lasted for three months which is much longer than most of his other relationships.

You open your mouth to reply but the taste of flowers rise up in your throat again and with a rushed, "Gottogobye, I'llcallyouback!" you end the call to Oikawa's confused protests and lean over the edge of your bed just in time for daffodils to pour seemingly incessantly from your mouth.

This time, the flowers are accompanied by a wracking pain that starts from your chest and radiates up your throat. They splatter wetly on the varnished wooden floor of your room and when you take a good look after catching your breath, you see that the petals glisten with blood - your blood.

A weak laugh escapes your lips that sound more like a sigh than anything. You knew that this was going to happen eventually, and you knew that Oikawa didn't love you - if he did, why did he continue to date those girls? - but you were just happy to be able to be his best friend for a few more months.

You know that you're going to die, and that you'll only have weeks to live, maybe not even that. You could have saved yourself, done the surgery, but you could never bear the thought of losing all the dear feelings that you currently hold for Oikawa (for Tooru). If you were to end up dying, then so be it.

Dying for the one they love, isn't it such a poetic ending?

Sending a quick message to Oikawa to reassure him that you're fine, you ask if he wants to grab lunch at the ramen place down the road.

You want to treasure every last moment with him. After all, there's not much time left anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

There's one day to your birthday and it has been six days since you started throwing up blood with the daffodils. Your illness has worsened at an exponential rate since it reached the third stage and you know that when it reaches the final stage, the flowers will grow up through your windpipe and slowly suffocate you to death. There is no more hope then, not even a reciprocal from the one you love can save you.

That day appears to be today.

You collapse in the middle of lunch with your family, to the panicked cries of your mother and father. It has been hard keeping your illness from your parents but by some miracle you managed it. So this is the first time your parents sees you throwing up bloodied flowers, no end in sight as daffodils in full bloom flood the dining room, rising to their feet in horror as their only son suddenly keels to the side mid-meal, hacking up blossoms.

You're only vaguely conscious at this point and you distantly hear your mother hysterically screaming into a phone for the ambulance, the surroundings fading in and out of a dim haze. Your vision blacks out and when it next fades back in, you're already in a hospital bed being rushed into an operating theater. However, you know that it is no use, and that you are going to die soon. The doctors relay the same thing to your parents after an examination, when you've been pushed into a vacant hospital room and from your position lying down on the bed, you can see your mother crumple down into a plastic hospital chair as your father holds her, tears streaming down his face.

"Don't cry," you want to say, "I'm sorry for being such an unfilial child. I love him too much to live the rest of my life not having these feelings."

However, your voice doesn't cooperate and all you can manage is a weak rasp that sends your parents scrambling to your bedside, your mother stroking your hair as she sobs into your shirt. Your father stands taciturn on the other side but you can see the pain in his eyes. You will never stop being sorry to your parents, and you think it might have been better if you never fell in love with Oikawa in the first place. But that's not what happened and honestly you don't want to change anything - except probably the dying part.

You're feeling exhausted, and you feel your eyelids slipping closed despite your efforts in keeping them open. What you don't know is that this is the last time you will ever see your parents again, and despite your mother wailing for you to keep your eyes open, you cannot hear her anymore.

When Oikawa hears that you've been admitted into the hospital because of Hanahaki, he'll arrive to the sight of your parents sitting by your bedside with loud wails from your mother and shaking sobs from your father, just as the flatlining of your heart monitor resounds through the hospital room.

The aghast look on his face would surely wrench your heart if you could see it, but that would not be possible.

After all, it's not like the dead can see.

 

* * *

 

 

Your funeral is a rather muted affair. The entire volleyball team attended, along with the side of your family that you're closer closer to. Some volleyball players that Aoba Johsai once played against attended too and Kageyama stands silently in the corner with the entire Karasuno team. Even Ushiwaka is there, a look of muted sadness on his face in place of his usual apathetic expression.

Oikawa doesn't have any reaction and if you saw, you would have instantly recognised the blank expression on his face as him trying to hide all his sadness from the outside world. You would also have noticed that his face was almost translucent with how pale it was, as if he were falling sick from sorrow.

When the funeral is over, only one person stands alone in front of a marble headstone.

There is a wet cough, and a bloodied gladiolus is left sitting on the cold marble.

 

**Author's Note:**

>  _Flower meanings:_  
>  _Daffodil - The sun is bright when I am with you, Respect, Sunshine, Unrequited love, Regard_
> 
>  
> 
> _Gladiolus - Strength of character, Love at first sight, Generosity_
> 
>  
> 
> I tried to leave the ending ambiguous but I'm pretty sure everyone can tell what happened.
> 
> If there are any errors, inconsistencies or plotholes, please let me know!


End file.
